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Friday, September 28, 2012

Goodbye to Hoboken and All That

Watch out, friends, I’m about to change my life again.

Some people move a lot, some people stay a lot. I’m in the former group. I moved to Hoboken as transition overtook me in my little hometown of Fairhope, Alabama, five years ago. My mother was in a nursing home and had only a few months left, my husband had died six years earlier. I was looking at a town so transformed I hardly knew if I even liked it. I felt surrounded by death and knew that this was not the place I wanted to be when it happened.

After leaving Fairhope, I found myself in Hoboken.  I liked its motley, multi-culti, multi-generational vibe, the fragrance of Italian food on its sidewalks, its elegant 19th century architecture and its atmosphere of a small town that was practically a neighborhood of Manhattan itself, and but eight minutes from the Christopher Street stop on the PATH train. I was in New Jersey, but so close to New York I could see its skyline across the river and be there in time for the matinee of cinema or play.

Writing this blog made me visible to people who lived near. I got invited to lunch, to parties, to obscure events like the preview of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade floats and the Heirloom Tomato Festival. I saw contests of Frank Sinatra imitators and went to a Hoboken High production of Guys and Dolls. I auditioned for a play about the old “Flora Dora Girls” of Hoboken and landed the role of narrator. I love the town; a vibrant, dynamic, and colorful combination of youth and age, old and new. I invested in a little condo on the lower western side.

From where I lived I was a 40-minute (if the track were slow that day) trip to the Port Authority Bus Terminal in New York, get a bus to Kingston, where my daughter and two grandsons live and be there in two hours. I made the trip about once a month for five years. Both my grandsons were able, on several occasions, to get on a bus in Kingston, which I met at the Port Authority, and join me for a Broadway matinee.

I spent a month or two in Fairhope every winter and wrote two books about the town from Hoboken. Much of my time as I was finding myself in Hoboken was spent in my own mind, mulling over my life and feeling good about being 72 years old and still able to do the things I wanted. I thought a great deal about Fairhope itself, as I remembered it from childhood, and tried to reconcile those memories with its reality of today.

Things began to change. A pain in my knee made it difficult to walk. The journey to the A & P, and to the bus, and to the PATH train was becoming more difficult. That Was Tomorrow, my novel about Fairhope, in eBook format, hadn’t sold well and clearly would never catch on in Fairhope although it had received good response from local reviewers. There was no more Fairhope in my life, and less Hoboken. Arthritis then grabbed my the other knee in a viselike grip as well.

A few weeks ago my daughter said, “You know, Mom, I just saw the cutest little house in Kingston that you would love…” Without thinking, I said, “Kingston? I don’t think I could live in Kingston. If I were going to live around here, I’d look in New Paltz.”

This was a new idea for both of us, really. On the many bus trips to Kingston I’d eyed New Paltz through the window—a quaint college town with cottages and shops lining the streets. A feeling of old and young together. Activities, a library, surely a historical committee or two. It’s the kind of town you drive through and think, “I could be happy here.” I realized I’d had that thought many times in five years.

Now my life is changing again. Both knees are in pain, and there are new pains and complaints to come. I’m “young-old” but will be “old-old” before I know it, and I’m pretty much alone in Hoboken. Much as I like the place, I haven’t put down roots. My thoughts and dreams take place in Fairhope—but those Fairhope dreams are fewer these days. The past that was Fairhope is losing its power over me.

My eldest grandson is in college at SUNY Albany, and he says, “Sure, I’d like you to live in New Paltz.” I wrote most of this blog post on a bus back to the Port Authority from Kingston—Alison and I drove to Albany yesterday and took him to lunch. His brother Andy, too, says he’d love to have me living nearby. I’m thinking about our visits in a new way.

There is much to do to make this happen. It may come as a shock to those who stay put, but moves like this have stimulated, motivated, and jostled me (in a good way) all my life. I used to move every few years, always thinking it was the last time, and not truly thinking ahead in Hoboken. I’ll have to sell a condo, buy a car, and make all the plans for a move. I’ll have to see doctors, dentists, and get my piles of papers, cartons of collections, and sort my stuff once again.

Hoboken is a beautiful place, a kind of secret place for me, a place I found myself and will never forget once this is all done. Maybe I’ll write a book about it. It will definitely be a part of me forever. Upstate New York looks like a pleasant next step.

14 comments:

jacques mullet said...


leave it to me to not make your day... as usula...
I anticipated your move long ago....... call me clairvoyant?
But not Claire, Joanne is the name of late.

Nan said...

You are quite a girl, Mary Lois! The epitome of Gemini, dontcha think?! I'm sorry to hear about your knees. Will be looking forward to all your new news, and lots of photos please.

Mary Lois said...

Working my way closer to you, Nan! Maybe we'll meet someday. Today I'm decluttering this condo and will invite realtors in to let me know my prospects for selling at a good price. It's amazing how this project has subsumed my old obsession about Fairhope and my novel.

SWilson said...

Wow! A surprise -- but a good one! Feels like a great decision to me. I love change and know this will be great for you!!

jonodell said...

I am a firm believer in geographical cures.

fred said...

Change is good. I moved a lot as a kind and thus have remained kind of settled as an adult. The result of this is that i sometimes feel stuck where I am and loaded down with JUNK i would have purged if i'd moved more often. I live in a little town now, but it is a college town, and that makes a big difference both in how the town feels and what you can find to occupy yourself. It sounds like an exciting proposition - and nothing bad could come from being closer to family.

fred said...

hey - i can learn new tricks - i actually copied my response in case i lost it as i usually do, and i did, but had it copied. yay me!

Cheryl A. said...

I think it sounds very exciting and no doubt you'll be a smash hit there too. It was calling you there all along...

Stephen said...

I had to look up the town, it does look charming. I'm sure everyone will be happy with you closer by. Change is always an exciting adventure. Best of luck if you decide to go with it.

Stephen said...

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/eb/Huguenot_houses_in_New_Paltz.jpg

Rollland said...

My Dutch ancestors settled in Kingston (then called Esopus) in the 17th century. I have always wanted to go there and check it out. Some of their descendants traveled down the Old Mine Road and settled in the Minisink region, where they remained until my parents'time.

Rupert Schmitt writers blog said...

Mary Lois, I never thought you'd move to New Palz or to old Palz. Well now I have looked up New PALZ. I wonder what happens when you finally kick the bucket and whichever place you wind up in, you tell the boss, after five years, you want to move.
Well,if I had more bucks, I would move more often and come to think of it,I have been in Ajo for five years.
bye for now. The Man in My Garage AKA the man in your garage Aka the man who doesn't have a garage.

Anonymous said...

the boogie man ives in my garage....

Rupert Schmitt writers blog said...

Hi Mary Lois, I wish you well in new Paltz. Is it better than Old Paltz? I imagine you are busy packing and finding a place to live, and having a wee bit of stress. I always find stress when I move. Now I'm wondering if your next blog will be called finding myself in new paltz? Well anyway I wish you well during the next couple of months. and tonight we will all watch the debate. I am frustrated over the debate. by for now.